THE MVP of 2020 Goes To….Two!

Ma & Dad

2020 was a year in which we spent little time with people outside our “bubble” and more time than ever with those in our bubbles.  This past March, I made the decision with my parents to “join their bubble”.  We were all on the same page and it was convenient/safe enough for the three of us to be in one “pod”.  I hate both of those phrases but it’t the easiest way to describe the situation. 

Anyone that knows me knows that this wasn’t a difficult decision.  My parents live within walking distance of my place in Boston, our family dog (Lu) lives with them, they are my preferred company during unusual times, and a laundry list of other reasons.  So off I went to spend 80% of my time since March with them.  At times I’d wander back and forth to my place.  Somedays for the day, sometimes for the night.  Sometimes TBD.  But always knowing that I could end up back there with them if I decided to – was enough. 

Now that it’s somehow 2021 I wanted to spend a bit more time going through my 2020 and appreciating those little moments, that I might quickly forget when this is all behind us. 

This post is not only about but its also for my parents.  Without them I can easily say these past ___ months in quarantine would have been extremely miserable.  When I talk about 2020 I’m quick to remember all the things we missed out on.  I wanted to relive a few of those mini moments with my “pod mates” this past year. 

Ma and Dad, you deserved a thank you post long before Quarantine, but I didn’t get around to it LOL.  You two are my biggest cheerleaders (and at time my biggest pests) and I love you both!  Thanks for the endless amounts of patience you both have always practiced and taught (even if some of us are still learning at times), encouragement spoken and showed, love given and shared, comfort provided, and simply put, “taking care of” me you’ve done not only since the moment you brought me into this world, but each and every time I come home (no matter what the length of time), especially this year. It’s been fun finding silver linings with you both these past several months. Here’s to many more adventures (but hopefully further than Massachusetts soon)!

Below is a collection of some of the photos I’ve taken since March when this all began.  There are many more but I selected a few highlights.  Not included are the numerous group shots outside with my brothers and their partners, or the family zooms, etc. but it’s a start. 

It all began right at the time of my parents anniversary and my birthday so we were happy to have a few reasons to celebrate. I made my parents a nice meal and set up a little date night for them. And they returned the favor by preparing my go to birthday dish – nana pasta! With honey baked ham of course.

The past nine plus months since then haven’t involved many surprises but it’s the little routines we’ve all settled into during these strange times. I’ve cooked more meals with my parents than I’ve ever made before. We have it down to a science. I find the recipes and plan the list. My dad loves to shop so he heads to the store (with his double mask and gloves on these days). My mom is in charge of putting everything away and sorting through it once he’s back. That’s just pre cooking. This is yet another reason why I am so grateful to have the ability to be with my parents. Having other people around to chip in makes everything a bit easier these days.

When it comes to the cooking, my dad loves to help with any prep I might be behind on and he and my mom both never complain about doing the cleanup. It’s really a win win. Each week we go through this routine and it’s one of my favorite things to do.

I even love making or planning the same food for both of us the nights that I won’t be there because it still feels like we’re sharing a meal. Food is one of my favorite ways to connect with others and food is meant to be shared. I’ve also brought back a few old favorites (by request) to our rotation. My mom made her delicious banana bread more times in 2020 than she did the ten years combined before then. And my dad brought back his English muffin egg sandwiches when I was craving them. Turns out, food nostalgia is a thing! They are both as wonderful as I remembered.

Aside from cooking (and lots of eating), nights have consisted of a daily show from Mother Nature at Sunset outside their window (which quickly became my favorite sunset view when they moved in the month before quarantine), bingeing shows together (we finally watched Breaking Bad), watching Rachel Maddow religiously, and treating ourselves to the occasional (nightly if possible) JP Licks scoop (or two). There’s also the daily calls from various family members (usually one of my brothers or aunts) that I’ll catch bits of (one of my favorite past times) and shout hello from the couch while my mom does laundry in the other room.

Mornings consist of usually waking up early (to let my 17 year old dog out) and reading in bed till work. On days where I’m feeling wide awake, I’ll at times grab my computer and knock out some work in bed before getting up and going. If I’m at my parents – I luck out and get breakfast cooked for me, as my Dad had been in this habit of making eggs each morning even pre quarantine. This gives me extra time to just chill in the mornings – another perk! I usually hear my mom talking to my dog, Lu, once she’s up and getting her second cup of coffee.

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Everything you just read, I wrote on January 6th when I drafted this and thought I’d share it when it seemed more relevant. But if I’m being honest, it got away from me and I never finished this up. It didn’t feel like something I wanted to just rush through for the sake of finishing but I also couldn’t seem to carve out the time.

Now, February 27th, nearly two months after I drafted what I thought was the bulk of this post, I decided to finish it. I have a google photos album I created titled, “M&D Blog Post” and two pages of notes in my notebook outlining what I wanted to include the post, but it seems to just be a constant flow of memories. I decided that instead of worrying about how I’d structure or present it in an orderly fashion, I’d go back to the original goal of why I started writing, and just get my thoughts from those notes onto a post here. At least then I’d have them permanently scattered amongst the posts instead of scattered throughout iphone notes, sticky notes, pieces of papers jumbled at the bottom of my bag, or even the carefully laid out and organized notebook outlines.

So the rest will be just that. A list of the other bullet points I didn’t cross out, some photos I wanted to hold onto, and whatever else comes to mind.

*It’s worth mentioning that completing this post was also motivated by a couple of things timing wise:

One, its my dad’s birthday this week! It’s a big year for him as he’ll be vaccine age! Funny enough, he’s a leap year baby, so we’ll be celebrating Sunday – and he will be considered 65 as of March since there’s no leap year this year. The real celebration will hopefully come Monday, when we all plan to put our energy into getting him a vaccine appointment. My dad has been one of my biggest supporters from the day I was born. I’ve learned so much of what I know from my dad and he never stops wearing the hat of proud dad. He and my mom will likely be the first to read this and so, consider an early birthday gift (either that or save it to read when you’re recovering from your birthday vaccine).

Two, we are nearly at one year of this. For me, one year of this hasn’t looked like any one else’s “one year of this”, not even my two parents who I’ve spent most of my time with. For me, I have a stable job that I enjoy (January marked 5 years joining my dad at his company), a consistent support system of family and friends (that I take great pride in keeping up with consistently, if not daily), a steady place to call my own (even if I’m spending most of my time at my parents), the world’s most loyal dog around (that’s a story for another post), and have remained healthy throughout the pandemic (even if that meant reeling it in extremely tight).

But lately, I’ve been noticing that I’m growing more and more annoyed that we are still where we are one year later and I’m working on voicing those feelings. I think my go to is to look at all of the positives and focus in on them (tunnel vision) which we have recently seen with the vaccination being distributed and given (even if a bit slow) and not mention the looming feeling of frustration. I’m frustrated that we haven’t been in one room with my family together since December 2019, I’m frustrated that I haven’t so much as touched a door knob without a plan in place since March 2020, and really I’m just frustrated that life has been in a way on hold since the start of this.

As mentioned above, life on hold for me, hasn’t been a struggle (like the ones we’ve been watching unfold in front of us on tv or social media across the nation). But as we continue to respond with, “I’m fine” (as I know I and a number of my friends will laugh and be the first to admit have on occasion) or ignore the moments we feel frustrated by all of this, we aren’t doing ourselves any favors. I told myself that I’d start to acknowledge this annoyance that crosses my path every so often when I realize the situation is quite stagnant and simply accept that I’m annoyed right then. That way, it seems to fades away quicker (you acknowledged you were annoyed and moved on). Those little things (for me it seems to be how everything takes longer to do these days) that you think are so minor, might be minor, but who cares. If they annoyed you, they still took up your energy. This is something I’m in the beginning stages of working on but I think right now with all of the stressors we have in our lives on hold, we could all appreciate and take something from.

I for one, want to make it a habit of trying to acknowledge my feelings (in this case, annoyed/frustrated/mad) accept them and let them fade without expelling so much energy. And when necessary, share those feelings. If I think back to any time I’ve been annoyed with another person or a situation involving another person it all boils down to communication. Right now more than ever, as we all grow a bit “restless”, communication seems to be key. If we can properly figure out how to communicate with our loved ones, we can avoid nearly all (even if occasional) misunderstandings/frustrations….maybe? Worth a shot.

So mom and dad, thanks again for that unwavering patience as we continue to grow a bit restless alongside each other during this final stretch of covid. I know in 20 years from now looking back on my time at home during this most recent stint I’d sum it up as a time where there was nothing by love. Love doesn’t fade when frustration flashes in for a moment – it’s just harder to know it’s there.

Some more little things from my notes I want to remember:

• discovering the beauty of North Shore Beaches together: the day trips to Crane Beach to meet Ry, Julia, Brady, and Chris
• how excited my Ma gets even after it begins to be routine when I text saying I’m at the footbridge about to be back at their apartment (can she please open the door if she’s in the kitchen) only to be greeted by her waving from either the window or the deck (depending on the weather)
• all the times we annoyed each other (raise your hand if you feel this with your pod mates), but never once not talking it out and making up (even when that really sucks at times)
• nursing Lu back to life together (along with the help of B) literally; after also saying goodbye to Lu together, literally.
• recording endless amounts of birthday messages together
• joining or hosting zoom calls together with family and friends (the setup of which was often the cause of some of those “annoyances”)
• cutting my dads hair in the bathroom after months of being too scared to – it did not go well, but it did the trick lol.
• how my dad would without hesitation jump at the opportunity to drive me just about anywhere (whether it was a drive-by birthday drop off or a “can you drop me at my friends but I have no idea when I’ll want to leave” kind of hang)

The rest of the photos that I had selected:

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