It’s no secret that I broke up with my ex not too long before the pandemic (Christmas morning to be exact) as I’ve mentioned it before.
But what I don’t usually take the time to talk about is all that I’ve learned since then. For now, I’m going to focus on what I’ve learned about love (or at least some of, as I’m sure I’ll forget a few) during this period of time.
I think it’s important to discuss these things especially since the assumption is that most of what you learn about love happens during a relationship with another person. It’s so easy to forget all the other ways in which we experience or give love in our daily lives. But, once you find yourself in the middle of a pandemic while single, it’s helpful to remind yourself of the love around you.
Love seems to be a bit of a cheesy topic to talk about, but I’m going for it anyways. I can also likely relate this to the fact that I’ve just wrapped up this pandemic wedding season and witnessed so many of my closest best friends tie the knot – so I’m feeling the love!
Anyways, a few things I’ve learned:
- Likely the most powerful love we can give is to love ourselves. This seems to be a cliche but I honestly find it to be one of the greatest gifts to give myself. Self love or loving yourself looks different for everyone. It could be taking a longer rest because you’re tired, ordering your favorite food for dinner, getting a massage, taking a bath, going for an extra long walk at lunch, scheduling regular check ins with your therapist, whatever it is, we need it.
- Love comes in many forms. We’ve gotten so into the idea that love looks like two people in a romantic relationship that we forget about the other types of love. I lucked out in the fact that my family and friend group(s) make it a habit to tell each other that we love one another regularly, but a reminder never hurts. Some people might not need to even say it, maybe they show it in other ways, however you do it, just be sure you do it. It’s 100% mutually beneficial.
- Love hurts sometimes. This one is also one here as a reminder (well really all of these are) that even though love hurts sometimes, it’s always worth taking the shot. Because, when you find the right kind of love, you’ve won the jackpot. But don’t kid yourself in thinking it won’t hurt at times. Some of us learn this once, twice, never, but once you do you’ll likely never forget it.
- Love is hard work. It’s not all fun and games, right? That would be too easy. I always heard people talk about how love is hard work and never really understood what that meant or that it was true (and not just whiny) till I was in my last relationship, and even once I was out of it. Love takes work right from the start, or even from before you find yourself in it. You need to be willing to first do the work to even allow love in (I believe the million dollar therapy secret here is loving yourself first), then find the right love for you, and let it grow, and when you want also give it back.
- Love can be scary. This goes hand in hand with the above. All that letting love in stuff, can get scary. Sure there are so many wonderful things about being in love but some of it can also be scary. At my age, one thing I fear is losing my independence if I fall in love. We work so hard to create our lives on our own while single, and then the thought of letting someone in, never mind falling in love, can be a bit overwhelming. But that’s the part where the hard work comes in and finding the right love, it works. There’s a way to do both but it’s not without putting in the effort and at times experiencing a bit of fear or feeling vulnerable in between all the excitement.
- “All we need is love.” As a Beatles fan, I had to toss this in here somewhere. But really, if all we had was love, would we need much else? I’m not sure, but I’d like to think we’d do just fine. Just make sure it’s the right kind of love for you.
And lastly, I’d like to give a shoutout to all the love I receive daily. From so many people in so many places and in all forms of relationships. I’ve done a whole lot of work since that Christmas morning and have learned so much about myself and about love, but not without hours of therapy, being open minded and at times vulnerable, body work sessions (my new favorite self care tool), and endless amounts of self love. My goal is to continue to never stop exploring and discovering all the love around me and to spread love where I go. “Love the ones you’re with.“